i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
