The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
