The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
