Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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