Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
