Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
