have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
