last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
