Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I could fuck to npr.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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