Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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