Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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