FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
