I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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