bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
