when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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