There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
