i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
