shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize