So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
