you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
