Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
