So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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