the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
