I didn't shave. On purpose
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
