i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
worst night to have a conscience
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize