he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
