Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
