i barfeds in our rink
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
