Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize