38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
