I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
