i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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