never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
