are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
