my vag is so smooth its legendary
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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