One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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