I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
