it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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