in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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