my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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