nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
