So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
