Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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