I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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