i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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