I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
