my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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