Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I understand Curling. That high.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
