my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
