There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
