my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
