and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
