i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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