if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
