Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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