Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
