My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
