I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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