I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize