like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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