so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
