I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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