well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize