So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
