That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
