i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
