I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
