oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
organizing the empties. That sober.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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