hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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