So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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