you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
